thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
