...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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