Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
