I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
