If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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