Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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