Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
