When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
