you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
