Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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