i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
