On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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