Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize