he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
