Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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