At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
