: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
