I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
