dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize