she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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