okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
