Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
