You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
