Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
