You really coming over, don't trick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
