How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
