i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
