wanna go halves on a baby?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
