Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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