the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
