Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
