No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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