I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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