I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
