zippers are such a cool invention
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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