Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
