Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
