Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
