just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Michael Bay diarrhea
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
