Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
