So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
