I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
