I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
