I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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