I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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