I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
