Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
