i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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