Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
