her vagine was all disorganized.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i will never coherently bang her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
