I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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