I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
