My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
