This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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