I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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