I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
from now on my penis is your penis
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
