The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
