There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
