I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize