I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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