Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
