I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
