WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize