I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I looked at my own cervix.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
