I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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