Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize