WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
