i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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