I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize