i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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