I looked at my own cervix.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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