Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
