was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
