his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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