Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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