A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
