You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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