those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
