My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize