I want to stick my p in your. b.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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