Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
