pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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