Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
