I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
